22 Reasons Why Your Cell Phone Is The Best Boyfriend You Will Ever Have

Who needs a relationship when you have a cell phone? Just kidding! But no, not really. Your cell phone is basically an extension of yourself and who wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with themselves? Exactly.

We take our cells everywhere: to work, to dinner and even to the bathroom. It seems we’re already in a relationship with our phones regardless of how dysfunctional it may be. We love living life this way, which is why we throw a tantrum the second we can’t find our cells.

We go to extreme lengths for our phones, I mean just look at this teenage girl who got stuck in a drain, trying to retrieve her prized possession.

Here is proof as to why your cell phone will be your counterpart for life.

1. It encourages you to text other people


Do we even need to expand from this point forward? A boyfriend won’t be happy if you are texting guys regardless if they’re just friends or not. Not only does your phone allow you to text other men, it gives you all the means to do so.

2. It doesn’t judge you


You can download whatever app you want, you can stalk any person you feel like and you can use it to order Seamless three times in one day. Your phone is there to support you and help you in your endeavor regardless of the fact that you know better.

3. It lives by the motto: “If it’s erased, it never happened.”


From endless selfies, to drunken text messages… as soon as you hit the erase button on your phone, it’s as if whatever you’ve done never happened in the first place. Nearly all people are guilty of those conversations at 3 am that they erase so they don’t have to be faced with their mistakes when they wake up.

4. You can hit it when you’re mad and it won’t hit you back


You know when you are just so f*cking frustrated you want to slam your fist (or phone) into the wall? Well you can and you don’t even have to fear retaliation. Amazing, right?

5. You can put it on silent when it’s annoying you


Receiving too many alerts? Put it on silent. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said when your boyfriend inundates you with his excessive feelings.

6. It’s easy to turn on


Long gone are the days of feeling overwhelmed and anxious if you know what you’re doing or not. When it comes to your cell, you simply just hit the on button and voilà — too bad life can’t be this easy.

7. It knows when you have your period before you do


You may not know when your monthly visitor is arriving, but the app you have downloaded does. No longer is it your responsibility to figure out your cycle, you have something else to do that for you.

8. It doesn’t take up too much space in your bed


No one disturbs your slumber because your phone won’t take the good pillow and hog all of your blankets. As long as you remember to keep it on silent, you are in for a great night of sleep.

9. It only responds to your touch


Your cell phone won’t even cooperate with another person’s physical touch. Your cell has a finger detector security system that basically guarantees the only hands all over it will be your own.

10. It doesn’t get offended when you want to upgrade


Unlike a boyfriend, your cell phone doesn’t become jealous when you develop a wandering eye. In fact, it’s basically encouraged with discounted upgrades! There’s no heart-wrenching breakup, there are no tears shed and there’s definitely no explanation you need to provide your family.

11. You can dress it the way you want


For the most part, men can’t dress; however, with your phone, you never have to worry about that. From designer phone covers, to photographic backgrounds… you can customize it in whichever way you see fit. The best part is it won’t complain if it doesn’t like what you picked out.

12. It stores information you would never remember on your own


From drunk texts, to photos: your phone remembers it all and the best part is it’s up to you if you want to keep the evidence or not. You may not recall taking any photos on a night out, but your phone will remember for you.

13. It wakes you up right on time, and not by poking you in the back


You can set endless alarms catered to your schedule. No longer do you have to fight for a full night of sleep because there won’t be anyone in your bed, trying to wake you based on his or her schedule. You sleep and wake up when you want and in the manner in which you choose.

14. It fulfills needs you never even knew you had


You know how selfies were invented? Some bored girl was futzing around with her cell and was like, “WOW! I can totally just take pictures of myself all day long and no one will notice. Amazing”

15. It can even vibrate


No further explanation necessary.

16. The only checking in you do is via Geotag


If you had a boyfriend, he’d probably know where you’re going and whom you’re going with, but with a phone, the only checking in you will be doing is when you search for your Instagram location.

17. It’s forced to listen to you when you talk


Unlike a boyfriend, who would probably tune you out after a while, your cell phone knows no such thing. It was basically invented to listen to you speak and, honestly, what’s better than that?

18. If it dies, you can bring it back to life


The worst thing that might happen to your phone is that it can die, but lucky for you, it’s rechargeable. If something happens to your boyfriend, well…

19. It’s the first thing you actually want to see in the morning


Let’s be honest, a boyfriend isn’t always the first thing you want to see in the morning, especially before you put your face on. Your cell phone is there, doesn’t care what you look like and is ready to deliver you the news for the day.

20. You trust your phone with your Facebook password


Your phone is perhaps the only entity you would trust with your Facebook password. You know who the last person would be? Yup, your boyfriend.

21. It connects you to the best place in the world: Seamless

more important than something to eat

Chances are you are going to be eating salad around your boyfriend, but your cell phone accepts and indulges your food cravings for what they are — natural. They give you all the means and motivation you need by being home to the greatest app of them all: Seamless. Which only leads to one thing…

22. You can watch Netflix marathons on it


The Netflix app is a f*cking game changer. No longer do you need your laptop to have daylong marathons, now you have your phone! This is especially great for traveling on those long road trips. Netflix is now anytime, anywhere.