Hello, fam.
Today, we’re going to mess around with Nigerian hip hop. You know, I used to be one of those so called ‘hip hop heads.’ If it wasn’t Methodman, Redman, Scarface, Rakim, Pac , Biggie, Big Pun, Slaughterhouse or some underground rapper that 98% of the population didn’t know, I wasn’t bumping it. We were the hard kids in baggies dissing the skinny jeans kids. Then with the emergence of rappers like Modenine, M.I and the Terry tha Rapman, I decided to give Nigerian hip hop a chance. I remember hearing Modenine’s ‘Pentium IX’, my mind was blown. I remember staying up all night to hear M.I’s ‘Talk About It’ over and over again.
More so, as I grew older, I realized that music is essentially about the melody. So any musician that could make me nod my head and move my feet is cool with me. All those hard rappers talking about how they kill people and smoke all day have no claim on me no more. Don’t get me wrong, I still appreciate talent. I still invest my data more on conscious and underground music than the mainstream ones. I’m just not as stiff as I used to be. No more forcing myself to hate an artiste just ‘cause he has lots of fans. Shit, I’m into Wizkid now and I think Solid Star is probably Nigeria’s most underrated artiste.
I enjoyed my relationship with Nigerian hip hop for a while. Then the money started coming and they started running out of Ideas. Witty punchlines were replaced by watery ones. When you try and raise this, the rappers will call you a hater who’s just hating on their success, like Mr Incredible said in his latest single, ‘Chairman,’ “have you eaten today? Then why are you hating?” This piece is just to let them know that we the fans are disappointed in them for putting in far less time thinking of intelligent punchlines than they do drafting lists of rich men to praise in their next single (refer to M.I’s ‘Chairman’ and Iceprince’s ‘Aboki’).
Ladies and gentlemen, Nigerian hip hop is the new Fuji.
If your favourite rapper is herE, please don’t be mad at me. I’m not saying they’re wack, i’m just saying that particular line is. And if you feel these aren’t wack, please forgive me, I have high standards. If you feel you have heard wacker punchlines, feel free to use the comment section.

10. “Life is not fair, I’m thinking of how to bleach” – ICEPRINCE, NIGERIAN BET CYPHER, VARIOUS ARTISTES
The amazing thing is that people actually think this is clever. Like what the fuck does this even mean? How does your bleaching help life get fair? This looks like something I would have written at age ten when my now rested dream of being a rapper was just conceived, definitely not what you want to put on BET cypher where ‘killers’ like Modenine and X.O Senavoe will be on. Yeah, everybody loves Iceprince but it’s not because of his clever lyrics, it’s because he comes out with monster hit songs……… once in three years.

9.“You leave me messed up, now I’m feeling like a fart” – VECTOR, ‘TICKLE ME’ ft Chuddy K
We all love Vector. Nigga has mad tracks under his belt. Raise your hands if you still bump ‘Get Down’. The Bar-Rack mixtape had its highs and lows. It boasts of ‘Stay Scheming’ ‘Intro’ and ‘Tuwo’. But most of the tracks were just fillers. I think he’s trying too hard with the metaphors. I blame the people around him who tell him “men, that shit is dope!”
Like really?! Messed up and feeling like a fart? Apart from the fact that it’s generic, it’s plain stupid. We love you Vector, but not all tracks should be released.

8.“I really wish we last long, Anaconda.” ICEPRINCE, ‘MORE’
Here is our beloved Iceprince again. I find it difficult commenting on this one because the stupidity speaks for itself. Dude, you don’t have to come up with corny ass punchlines like this just because you want to rhyme. Truth is, this whole list could have been made of bad lines from this song alone, but I’ll just use this one as a point of contact. Brother Iceprince should have just written a love letter to the babe jeje instead of infesting our airwaves with this song.
7. “ I’m so fly, my plane never lands. Like Michael Jackson’s park, Neverland” – PHENOM, ‘OMO NAIJA’
I actually love the ‘Omo Naija’ track, mostly because of its infectious hook. Maybe I’m just hating on this line because I expected more from Phenom.
First of all, ‘i’m so fly, my plane never lands’ was wack, then dude had to go on and explain ‘Never land’ to us. Who the fuck did you make the track for, five year olds? If this was a freestyle , I wouldn’t mind but I’m sure this was written, and so he must have been pretty impressed with the line for him to release it.
Let me kick a rhyme for Phenom.
Dear Phenom, this is sad,
Like Michael Jackson’s death, sad.

6. “Na jollof music, no be rice and stew” – LYNXXX, ‘EZIOKWU’ Ft Various Artistes.

I shit you not, brethren, Lynxxx actually said that.

I think he should join Nollywood. His nice physique will be a welcome replacement for the pot bellied, mid-fourties lead actors we have. Because, truth is he’s fucking up the music industry and his looks is the only thing giving him any sort of buzz. The nigga has never impressed, either intentionally or otherwise. Some might say he was just having fun but I say this is lazy writing. If you want to get away with lines likes like this, make highlife music.

With lines like this, little wonder there’s nobody looking out for any new Lynxxx music.


The only thing worse than this punchline is the fact that X.O actually had the nerve to repeat the line then asked “get it”?! What in the actual fuck?

This line is TOO BASIC to even repeat or even ask us if we get it!

Music lovers are not retards,STOP asking us if we get stupid and corny lines!

He just had to mess up an otherwise good track with a line like this…..please,no more punchlines that sound like you’re rapping for an autistic audience.


Wait…wait…wait, can you feel your brain cells dying already?? Fam, this here is just a shame, let’s work with this punchline and provide phyno with more punchlines…

“Like a toolbox, I’ve got tools” (._.)

Oga Sarz,oya gimme one mad beat, I’ve arrived!

Bonus dead punchline by phyno- “my beat is the killer-serial”


And its a hattrick for the rapper everyone loves! I’m starting to suspect Iceprince is dating a kindergaten chick….nothing else can explain these kind of sappy lines.

Please call the pallbearers…there’s a deadline here waiting to be buried. Iceprince is really great at outdoing himself…

If you still have a brain at this point, I congratulate you,proceed to the last two lines with utmost caution…


I’ve played this line like 50million times and it still makes absolutely no sense.

So,I’ve been forced to conclude that in the struggle to rhyme, Reminisce just coined one of the stupidest punchlines ever.

To be fair to be him,he seemed to be totally out of depth throughout the song…still, its unfair to pry our ears with totally senseless shit cos you wanna prove you can spit punchlines in English.


I swear to God I didn’t make this up…a Nigerian rapper actually said this!! Wait let’s play this again….

“When you hear to-to, toto dike”

Fam,are you still waiting for a punchline deader than this?

His name’s Erigga, Mr. “The gbana wey I dey smoke big pass ur fan base” (._.)

Y’all better get out of here while you still have brain cells….

And if you’ve got punchlines deader than these, feel free to drop a comment….

Big shout to @bossboyrocks (Y)